A few naughty ones  

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"




I went through a McDonalds drivethrough today,
after about 5 minutes I eventually got my food,

The girl at the window apologised,
"Sorry about the wait" she said.

"That's alright fatty" I replied
"you could always go on a diet"



I think it's weird that Islamic fundamentalists are using suicide bombers to try and convert Britain to Islam.

They've got no chance - we've not converted to the fucking metric system yet.



I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night.

It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.



I saw a bumper sticker on a car yesterday that said, "I Miss Liverpool."

So I smashed the window and stole the radio.