A Queensland Jackeroo is overseeing his herd in remote territory.
When suddenly a BMW appears out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver a young man in Gucci shoes,Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,leans out of the window and asks the cowboy,' if I tell you how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'
The jackeroo looks at the man, obviously a yuppie,and then looks at his herd and replys 'Sure why not'

The yuppie parks his car whips out his Dell note book computer
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
Ultra- high- resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe photoshop and exports it to an image processing facilty in Hamburg Germany.

Within seconds he receives an E-Mail on his palm pilot that the image has been  processed and the data stored. He then accesses a
MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with E-Mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full colour, a 150- page
report on his high tec miniaturized HP Laserjet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,You have exactly 1586 cows and calves.

'Thats right. Well, I guess You can take one of my calves' says the Cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the  animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.

Then the Cowboy says the young man, 'Hey if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thought about it for a second and then says 'Why not?'

'You work for the Australian Government' says the Jackeroo.
'Wow! That's correct says the yuppie, ' but how did you guess?'

'No guessing required' answered the jackeroo. You showed up
here even though nobody called you, You want to get paid for an
answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.
You used all kinds of Exspensive Equipment that clearly somebody
else paid for, You tried to show me how much smarter than me
You are, and you don't know thing about Cows....this is a herd
Of SHEEP!!!!. Now give me my DOG back!!!!!!!!!!  

--Last edited by seadog on 2008-08-24 11:02:08 --

  CQ CQ DX, This Seadog:- Hi guys was the Jackeroo joke too long for you ????
If not, I do have a another one in the pipeline for you!!
I am awaiting your instructions and standing by OVER

Go Ahead

M0LHR

POLICE RESPONSE





How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an
Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:



•You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small Children.


Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges


You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.



What do you do?

BRITISH POLICE OFFICER'S ANSWER

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away? What does my wife think?  What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me? Should I call 999?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed days and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls
over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case does he have the opportunity to sue
me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?




AUSTRALIAN OFFICER'S ANSWER


BANG!




AMERICAN OFFICER'S ANSWER


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.

Daughter: "Heh! Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester 150 grain
semi jacketed Silver Tips that I gave you for your birthday?"

Too true to be funny!!

Seadog  

--Last edited by seadog on 2008-09-02 13:14:13 --